The Color Draining From His Body

The Color Draining From His Body. Graphite drawing, photographed and digitally edited.

I have been so upset by the world. My first response was to shut down. This is about that happening. But I can’t. So I’m creating. I think my work is political by challenging toxic masculinity. I hope it contributes to positive change.

But honestly, I have no idea how.

I think the time I was most effective at bringing positive change into a community was when I moved back to Wisconsin for a year as an adult. I had left my rural Wisconsin community to go to more liberal places and find my gay tribe. I really wanted to fall in love.

But as an adult, I ran into some tough times. And I had to go home for a little while. While there I was just me. I’m a talker and I make friends and I’m an explorer so I did all that in my little community and around it. And as I was getting ready to go back to the big city after a year people were coming up to me and saying how much I had changed their opinion of gay men. It was completely unintentional. I was just myself and open and vulnerable.

Whenever I have tried to create a political piece of art, it hasn’t been that interesting. My artwork is really about what I love and appreciating it. It’s been shaped by other people‘s views and encouragement so I don’t veer from what has been popular very often.

Today, I am working on the book of art that is my drawings combined with my photographs, combined with graphic design skills. It’s been slow going, and challenging, but I really like this piece.

As soon as I was done, I looked at the news for half a second and I saw that a man had been killed in Minneapolis. And I looked at the image I just made. And I could see it was all the color draining from his body. That was me losing all my will to create and to engage because I was looking at a world that was in flames, a world that seems like it’s dying.

I don’t know how to fight, but we have to fight for what we love. I know that I would be erased by an administration like this if it had the power it wanted.

I am so thankful to the people in Minnesota who are standing on the corners protecting the innocent, the ones protesting, the people who show loudly that they care. Im grateful too for the people who quietly contribute to good.

I’m so grateful for the people who just see human beings as human beings and not as cattle or slaves or threats. And I’m shocked by how many people are for this insane brutality. It makes me wary and depressed.

But I will keep moving forward and doing what I can to be a part of the solution.